You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
