dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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