sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
