you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
