I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
