literally had 100 drinks last night.
I skipped work to stalk him.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
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That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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