theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
