3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
