so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
