whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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