Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
