sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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