What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I AM VODKA MAN
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
