the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is wine microwaveable?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
