does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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