Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
