I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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