you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
