Dual....:-)
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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