She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
