So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When are your genitals available?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
