I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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