I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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