So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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