Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
