so explain again why im purple
no
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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