you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
