just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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