she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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