right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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