6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
