It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
