So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize