How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
