Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
