Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
