this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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