I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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