he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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