You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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