Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
