When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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