herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Someone came in the potted fern
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
