I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
