Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My ATM looks so different sober.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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