It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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