i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
