Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
