that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
