i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
