I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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