i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
