So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
