But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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