I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.