Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.