i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD