after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.