she woke up with a sticky ear
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.