That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.