I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
