There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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