We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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