Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize