You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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