he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
