She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
