why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
