and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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