I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
how drunk are you?
Several
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
