I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
