i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
