I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
