make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
