Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
