I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
