I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
