If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
