we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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