Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
