Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
