Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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