i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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