he told me I talked like a deaf person
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
