So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
