my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!