if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Welp...herpes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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