I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(