She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
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Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.