Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Randomize
Follow @tfln