its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0